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Letters from Lana: Meditating on Goodbye

From our May newsletter...

Hi, Kurlies. You are such a blessing in my life, and I want to thank you for making these newsletters part of your life. Thank you for coming along on this journey with me and thank you for sharing your stories with me as well. Today, it’s on my heart to talk about romantic love and infatuation. So often we strive for romantic love to distract ourselves from our lack of self-love. And Kurlies...

 

Yours truly has been tested. TES-TED. Sweet Jesus.

 

I remember when I first made this mistake. I just wanted to experience romantic love for the first time, period. So I went with the flow and chose a partner. After we broke up, I didn't quite heal from that relationship because the process was too painful. My inner voice told me to take a break from dating - to use this opportunity to learn how to truly love myself. But I didn't listen. I hopped my fast tail on Okcupid and entered my second romantic relationship. If you’ve been reading these newsletters, you know I’ve been healing from that break up too.

But this time has been different because I’ve committed to this assignment. I'm 100% focused on healing and self-care. I was done with romantic love for the time being, or so I thought.

It's funny how when you start to make progress, the universe throws out a test. I can hear it teasing me now, asking, "Are you really done, girl? Really???" You see, romantic love recently chased after me with a well-placed kiss on the neck. A kiss I didn't ask for, but one that I secretly relished. 

 

And suddenly I remembered.

 

I remembered how good it felt to be wanted by another. I remembered the highs of the honeymoon phase. Yes, I had been here before, and it tasted delicious. How easy it would be to slip back into old comfortable patterns. Like a worn pair of shoes you need to stop wearing, but you refuse to give up because they’ve molded to your feet. My neck is my weak spot, and that’s where temptation landed. Physically, he was just what I loved, but spiritually not what I needed.

 

It felt like an open book test.

 

He told me who he was. I listened. But did I hear? Why am I still thinking about this dude?! Help me! I’m trapped in the cycle of infatuation! I know that frappuccino isn’t good for me, but can I get a sip? Just maybe, a small sip?


Putting Down the Pipe

 

Have you ever felt trapped in a cycle of infatuation? Sometimes it’s with that attractive man or woman down the street. Sometimes it’s with food. Sometimes it’s with shoes or clothes. I’ve come to learn that the cycle is a sign that you're reaching for love in the wrong places. Instead of reaching inward for love, you’re reaching outward. What’s so wrong with that, you might ask? External love is like a mirage in a desert. You stumble to it, thirsty as hell, only to have it vanish before your eyes.

So how do you break free from this curse? I’ve found the answer in two concepts: meditating on goodbye and remembering your value.

I’m not going to pretend to be holier than thou; I’ve been working through this all month. You see I haven’t given in. But in my mind, I’ve spent 100 years with this guy, playing out the good, the bad, and the nasty.

But through reflection, I’ve come to discover that my infatuation is not about the other person, it’s about my desire to be loved by another. It's about ditching my new life for my old broken-in one. It's about picking up the pipe, getting high out of my mind, and delaying the uncomfortable healing process that helps cultivate self-love.

Kurlies, God has brought me too far to pick up this multi-use metaphorical pipe. So today, I made a choice. It’s time to break-up with this idea in my head. It’s time to meditate on goodbye.


Goodbye Meditations and Rubies

 

How do you meditate on goodbye? For me, I sat on my bed, crossed my legs, closed my eyes, and said goodbye to this person repeatedly. In this moment I was making a choice: a choice to love and focus on me. And then I felt drawn to those scripture affirmations I told you about in February, and I started reading them over myself. Especially those first few lines of Proverbs 31:10, in which I inserted my name: “A wife like Lana of noble character who can find. She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

I am worth far more than RUBIES?! Ladies, I was about to sell myself for some neck kisses and being carried in his arms down the street into a diner. IN HIS ARMS. TO A DINER. Although I really did enjoy the brute strength of it all, and the diner is one of my favorite spots, I’m going to hold out for the rubies plus. I'm worth it.

Then it says my husband has full confidence in me AND lacks nothing of value. NOTHING OF VALUE?!?! Yeah, I’ll wait. But then it says I have to bring him good, not harm, all the days of my life. And I’m pretty sure, at least for me, that means not picking up any more baggage along the way. 

When you read this verse, you can think of the husband role as a relationship with a human partner, or you can think of it as a relationship with God. Either way, GIRL, I AM WORTH FAR MORE THAN RUBIES, AND YOU ARE TOO. If you’re in a season of healing, don’t be like Esau and sell your inheritance for a quick hit of sumn’ sumn’. Bring your attention inward and focus on experiences that bring you true joy.


My Birthday Wish

 

I’m turning 30 on May 12, Kurlies. And before today, I had these fantasies about putting on my Freakum Dress like Beyonce taught me, hitting the town, drinking a ton of margaritas, all while secretly hoping to run into Mr. Neck Kisses Strong Man. What would happen? Where would the night take us? Cue a million fantasies.

But after my goodbye meditation and a rediscovery of my inner worth, my focus has shifted. I’m still going to put on my sexy dress, yes. And I’m still going to snap my Kurly Klips in right. I may also drink one too many margaritas, mkaay… But the focus will be on doing these things in environments I love. A real joie de vivre independent of external validation.

I have no idea why I’m putting all this stuff out here. But I hope it helps or at least entertains in some capacity. If you're going through a period of growth, I wish you much success. Remember to take God's hand. He'll walk you through the wilderness... even as you stare at all the cuties along the way ;)



Your sister in beauty,

Lana

 


PS I hate that I even have to say this, but when talking about spirituality, I feel like I have to. Me/this brand/this business loves everybody as they are. You deserve the greatest love, and that only comes from within.

PPS This is from our newsletter where we talk about life and hair. Sign up and join our community for commentary and special promotions! You can do so here.

Share:

Lana-Luv,
I so am reaching out to you, I read your letter above. and there is so much I want to tell you about this “phase” of the journey. It would be much easier if I could just transfer my heart and mind into yours for a couple of hours, simply because words don’t exist for some of the story, just pictures. but here goes my attempt: I have been where you are, and truly understand. how I wish I knew at the age you are turning, age 30— what i know at age 56. after having it all: marriage/house/careers/3 children grown/divorce/ re-enter dating… and now the sweet-spot of " singleness". funny, after going all the way around the mulberry bush, trying on all those different pairs of shoes… the" sweet spot" was finally found! it is what I was searching for all along, but because of the Cinderella and princess stories we are fed as little girls, I thought it only came in one particular package. I still have the yummy kisses on the neck, I still am loved beyond my beliefs, I have god as my focus without distraction… but most important, and what most often was lacking in the other package is that I have “peace” (——> insert dancing in the kitchen, singing off tune out loud, jazz, flowers, Netflix, trying on outfits in the mirror, planning my next move) . who would believe it? my sweet spot :).. I found it in my singleness, nor would I trade it for rubies nor diamonds. hear me now, understand me later . smh, I still am amazed at how simple it really is. ~ portia

Posted by Portia on May 05, 2017

Lana, i absolutely love you! every single time i’m going through something, your letters/videos come right on time! i thank god that you were born! you are such a blessing to me as well as the rest of the world of kurlies! thank you so much for all that you do and just being you! i hope that you enjoy your birthday to the fullest extent! you are such a beautiful person!!!!

Posted by Shaneece Simpson on May 05, 2017

Meditating on Goodbye – I love it! Thank you so much for sharing who you are and what you’re worth. Continue to wait on God and he will give you the desires of your heart. :-)

Posted by Valencia on May 05, 2017

Awesome read! Thank you my fellow Taurean queen!! #Taurusseason #Taurusgang

Posted by Natasha Jackson on May 04, 2017

Awesome read! Thank you my fellow Taurean queen!! #Taurusseason #Taurusgang

Posted by Natasha Jackson on May 04, 2017

I dont know about 2 drinks. But i do know the bible says, he that seeketh a wife finds a good thing. Also, That a wife is worth her weight in gold!!! Women do not seek husbands , seek God to bring the right man in your life. We have all made bad mistakes, but God has good plans for us. Seek God FiRst. And maYbe one glass wine to rela. Lol

Posted by Sharron on May 04, 2017

Thank you

Posted by MeME on May 04, 2017

Beatuiful and Truthful words. Thank you for sharing!

Posted by ANdI on May 04, 2017

Nail. on. the. head! sometimes i do get a little confused on the subject of love ‘n’ romance. or infatuation and crushes, rather.

I’m a total late bloomer and didn’t have my first boyfriend until i was 28 years old! yeah…and he was 24…we met on tinder…it lasted 9 months! we broke up mutually (i lied and said i was moving to l.a. – shame on me ¯\(ツ)/¯). but we both knew it was time for us to move on. we had big difference in our beliefs. he was a rebellious “out loud and proud” atheist with a former christian upbringing, while i was a saved woman trying to deepen her relationship with god. i think our sole purpose together was to work on our social skills, nothing serious! WE DIDN’T ARGUE OVER BIG ISSUES, however we grew bored of each other and knew it was time to part. and i’m glad we did since i knew better.
currently, at age 29 turning 30 in december, i HAVEN’T HAD A BOYFRIEND SINCE the first.

hmmmmmm. “watcha tryna tell me lord?!?!?!”

I still wonder when i’ll meet my husband but more importantly i’ve learned not to be so “husband-hunting minded”. I have learned from past mistakes of pursuing men to death for attention, scaring them away, and GULP getting too physical for my own good! As you mentioned: I AM WORTH FAR MORE THAN RUBIESi I have value. i will not cheapen myself. i’ll let them chase me! although, I must remain humble as beauty is fleeting!

but how do you know when god puts someone in your path to establish a dating relationship? what about them crushes tho!? obviously, if i neglect my responsibilities so that i may day dream about him or devise intricate schemes to lure him in – that ain’t god! i feel the universe has someone very specific in mind, and i want to be prepared. thank you for sharing this. it speaks volumes, real talk yo!

I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

p.s. excuse any grammatical errors, typed in a rush.

Posted by the_pin-up_alwaysrings2wice on May 04, 2017

THIS RESONATES WITH ME SO DEEPLY! I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THE CHILLS I GOT FROM READING YOUR STORY LANA. THANKS FOR INSPIRING ME TO CONSIDER LOVING MYSELF AGAIN AND I HOPE THAT I AM ABLE TO DO SO FIERCELY AND STRONGLY ENOUGH TO NOT NEED VALIDATION FROM TOXIC PEOPLE.

Posted by ty on May 04, 2017

Omg LAna…reading this felt as tho’ i was Looking at a reFlection of where i am today…
Yes i am Worth far more than rubies, i will not sell my inHeritance for a lil sumn’ sumn’
I knw my self worth and i wiLl continue to meditate of that fact cos no amount of “Neck kisses” from the wrong person can eQual what god has in sotOre for me…
Much love

Posted by Elorm on May 04, 2017

I can Relate so deeply! I think this was definit meant for me and that was god telling me that its okay to let go of somEthing because right now i need to be all bout me. I have to be self absorbed for just a little.

Thank you so much! You dont know how much this truly Touched me and made me realize some things

Posted by Angela M. on May 04, 2017

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