From our April newsletter...
Have you ever had a dream? It often feels like an objective you have to accomplish to be successful. So you bind this experience to your destiny. You attach it to your self-worth. You think, "If I could just make this happen I would feel extraordinarily happy."
You know what I've learned, Kurlies? Dreams can be false gods. You create them and place them on a mantle in your heart, and they promise security. They promise feelings of love and worthiness. But these little dream gods are human-made statues. They can't give you a sense of love and safety. Even if you achieve your goals, loneliness, heartache, and unworthiness still manage to creep back in your life. Weren't your dreams supposed to exterminate those little stinkers? Why are they still there?
I used to make gods of my dreams. But I've come to realize they don't dictate my destiny. My life's goal is to find fulfillment from within - without external validation. I've come to see my purpose as a blank slate, open to the infinite beauty of God.
Law of Attraction, Partners, and Love
The law of attraction is real. I talked about it in this Youtube series, and I lived it for myself. It has worked for me on several occasions. One of the things I manifested in my life was a boyfriend who met every single quality I had written down on a pretty extensive list. But as the relationship matured, we both grew unhappy. I had forgotten some bullet points, and we both suffered. That’s the problem. Having a complete list is impossible. I barely know what I need now. How am I supposed to know what I'll need in the future?
I manifested my ex with the hope that on some level, he would fulfill me and make me whole. But I've learned it's impossible for another person to give you all the love you need. It's like asking a pond to give you an ocean's worth of water. That fulfilling quantity of love can only come from one source: the Divine.
My dream is to create a direct pipeline of love from my heart to the Divine. My therapist explained it like this. Imagine holding up a mirror to the sun. The mirror will reflect the sun's light. The mirror is not the light source, the sun is.
When we get into relationships with people, we often think of them as the light source, the source of love. That's why we get so upset when relationships don't work out. We feel like love was taken away from us. But that's not true. Love can never be taken away from us because it comes directly from God. People just reflect this love when they choose to. But you don't need people to access it. You always have direct access to love.
If that experience taught me one thing, it's to go directly to love’s source. Stop chasing after its reflection in people and external validation. You've got to access it from the source itself.
A Slave to My Profession
While I was in high school, I had two dreams: to establish a career in journalism and international public policy. I shackled my self-worth to these dreams and worked to the point of a nervous breakdown (seriously). I abused my body and spirit to see them through, society encouraging me along the way.
I failed. Despite obtaining the proper education, internships, and professional opportunities, doors continued slamming in my face. Why did I even want to work in those fields anyway? I told myself it was to help the world - and that was true to a certain extent. But a more honest answer would have been: it would make me feel important, smart, and worthy. It would make me feel loved.
Oh, the sacrifices I made at the altar of this false idea! Did I get the chance to work in network news? Yes. Did I get to ride in President Barack Obama's motorcade as a weekend White House Producer? Yes! Did these things make me feel important, smart, worthy, and loved? Well, when I was in the physical motorcade, they did LOL.
But then I had to step out of the car. My news contract ended at the end of 18 months, and while I did get tapped to work with the Obama administration, that too fell through. I was back at square one. Unemployed with a master's degree, I felt empty, inadequate, inferior, flawed, and insufficient. My false dream gods did not come to my rescue...
BUT YOU KNOW WHO DID?
Abundant Dreams NowI came up with the idea for Kurly Klips when I was on my bathroom floor crying - sobbing about all my perceived failure. “I GIVE UP!” I yelled at God. “I GIVE UP ON ALL OF MY DREAMS... WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO DO, I'LL DO IT!” And within seconds, the idea for Kurly Klips popped into my head. Suddenly I felt unshackled and invigorated. I knew it was the right move. Within months, a full fledge business fell into place. The cost? Surrender and total sacrifice of the ideas I called dreams.
Kurly Klips is one of my life's biggest blessings. It was an opportunity that I never wanted. An opportunity I felt unqualified for (I’m still terrible at doing my own hair, y’all. I'm going to keep it 100 - though I can work some Kurly Klips, girl!). But can I tell you it has fulfilled many of my needs and has revealed a few talents I didn't know I possessed? I was unemployed, and God gave me a career. All I had to do was surrender, listen, act, and trust in what felt right in my spirit - although it was beyond the scope of anything I had ever done before. Do people stick their noses up at me for selling hair online? Of course, they do! But who cares?! I'm blessed and living in abundant gratitude.
If you have one dream, make it this: everlasting self-love from the Divine that also shines onto others. Make it your dream to get to a place where you have so much inner peace that external validation no longer matters. Dream of being a blank slate and trust that God knows what you need to live your best life. Commit to spending time in the presence of the Divine. Do love, speak love, and share how love has changed your life. Give more time to your higher self and less time to your lower self. Stay open. When you actively try to improve your character, God will manifest an experience that checks off the full list - not the incomplete one you would have created.
Kurlies, I do set goals. This morning, I created a couple of financial goals for the business and myself. I also set goals to improve the Kurly Klips experience for you all. And with all of these goals, I used the law of attraction, asking God for help. But my self-worth is not tied to them. I choose not to be a slave to my ideas, and I no longer worship them. Instead, I hope and know beautiful experiences are on the way. When they show up, it's my dream I'll have the wisdom and courage to accept them.
Stay humbled. Stay blessed. Ask the Divine for help. You got this. Self-compassion will change your life, as will humility, grace, and a committed relationship with God.
I love you, and I hope this helps. Thank you for your time. And of course, I’ve got some goodies below.
Your sister in beauty,
PS I hate that I even have to say this, but when talking about spirituality, I feel like I have to. Me/this brand/this business loves everybody as they are. You deserve the greatest love, and that only comes from within.
PPS This is from our newsletter where we talk about life and hair. Sign up and join our community! You can do so here.