I dream horror. My sleep world starts off innocent enough. Sometimes I’m catching a flight. Other times, I’m helping a friend. Then suddenly, without warning, I’m thrust into violent chaos. Killers emerge from nowhere. They stalk me and murder those around me, until I scream myself awake.
A couple of years ago, these dreams terrorized me into insomnia, and while I experience them less frequently, I’ve noticed they generally appear during times of great anxiety.
A favorite metaphor of mine is Jesus as the good shepherd. When one of his sheep wanders off the path, he finds it and brings it back home.
The other night, I dreamed horror again and realized I had lost my way. The trigger? I misattributed the power of the universe, putting it in the hands of a few people.
Last month, when a customer threatened me, I felt anxious and afraid - indicators that I had attributed power to her, as if she was omnipotent and controlled my destiny. Similarly, when the manufacturer messed up our packaging, forcing me to put together a temporary option - I shivered at having to respond to people’s disappointment. Would this put me out of business? I know it might sound crazy, but fear thoughts are often insane.
And while I prayed for deliverance from this fear, I wasn’t actually helping my own cause. What did I do instead?
I listened to A LOT of City Girls - and while I appreciate their music - lyrics about scamming, revenge, and manipulation can lead to unloving and fearful thoughts (period, lol). Furthermore, I reactivated my Netflix to watch Bird Box - a thriller my vivid imagination DID NOT need to experience. And I also got lazy with my prayer and meditation. Instead of waking up and immediately seeking peace, I indulged in petty fantasies first - giving them a greater importance in my life than Love itself.
Here’s the thing
You must decide to guard your peace. If you feel ambivalent, you haven’t actually made a choice.
So how did I become an active participant in my own deliverance?
- I asked for divine assistance.
- I went on an entertainment cleanse. This involved limiting my time on Instagram, and listening to positive podcasts and music only.
- I changed my self-talk using the ThinkUp app. I recorded affirmations in my own voice and listened to them back throughout the day. By evening, my thoughts had shifted from depressive to hopeful, and today I feel a contented peace.
Like somber angels on a moonlit road, these dreams warn me off a destructive path ahead. They encourage me to call out to the Great Shepherd, so together we can return to his fields of joy.
May you wake up to the love all around you. Praying for you every day.