First of all, Happy Pride Month! To all my LBGTQ+ Kurlies, I see you and I love you just the way you are. Also, thank you to all those in the community who send Kurly Klips as gifts to their partners! When you ask me to write little notes, I get so excited LOL. You know how much I live for a little note LOLLLL!!! So thank you for giving me the honor!
I know your girl is a week late with this newsletter, so please forgive me. I write many of these essays after meditation and I had a hard time with stillness this month, so I couldn’t “hear.” But luckily last week, I realized my problem and found a solution. Turns out when I bombard myself with noise (internet noise, tv noise) it literally drowns out that still, small voice. And when I remove that noise, boom - it’s clear again! Go figure lol! So I hope you enjoy this little essay! It took an unexpected turn, but please believe me when I say it comes from the heart ♥️
⚡️ Magnetic Attraction ⚡️
People are like magnets, but instead of holding one charge, we hold many. Positive charges represent the healthy areas in our lives, while negative charges represent the areas in cultivation. Our magnetism attracts those who hold opposite charges in certain areas for the purpose of healing. Because we are all made of positive and negative charges, this healing is mutually beneficial.
So what’s the problem, Sway?
While having a negatively charged area isn’t bad, it becomes problematic when it manifests as abuse. When people think of abuse, they often think of the physically violent kind. However, I would argue emotional abuse is even more rampant. Why? Because emotional abuse is often taught and normalized in one’s past or present-day environment. It can also be taught and normalized in music, on the internet, in television, and in film. When people see this kind of behavior as normal, or even beneficial, they don’t think of it as abusive, even though it is.
Abuse can be loud and scary or quiet and demeaning. States of aggression come in many forms.
Magnetic Manifestation
When abuse manifests in relationships, the most loving thing to do is pull apart. In my life, I’ve seen how small acts of violence, like envy, manipulation, and mean-spiritedness, can lead to greater acts of violence with time.
When I spot these behaviors in another, I give that person lots of space. It’s like seeing a child running with scissors. You take the scissors away so they can’t hurt themselves or another. With adults, space is like taking the scissors away. You’re choosing to be one less victim they’ll have to account for and that’s grace!
The same goes for our own behavior. When we find ourselves in a state of aggression (and we’re not literally fighting for our lives), the most loving thing we can do is put the scissors down and give ourselves space from the triggering person. Until we can learn to be in their presence without picking up the scissors, this space is the most precious gift we can offer them.
So how do we go about unsticking?
First, I determine my level of safety. If a person’s not a threat to my physical safety, I’ll tell them I need to reevaluate some things in my life and I need the space to do so. If a person is a threat, I go no-contact, but I highly recommend talking to a licensed therapist or calling the domestic violence hotline for professional advice - even if the relationship is non-romantic.
Pulling apart these magnetic bonds can feel hurtful, stressful, and even impossible at times. The feelings cocktail it produces is rarely easy and never fun. But sometimes Love requires us to do hard things, just rest assured it’s always for the greater good of all.
We are all like magnets, positively charged in some areas and negatively charged in others. Having a negative charge isn’t bad - it’s human. The key is to keep it from manifesting as aggression by taking space when necessary. This is the goal. This is transcendence.
xoxo,
Lana
PS - sharing is caring! Please feel free to forward to a friend 🌸
